Sam's Space

Random thoughts and experiences about navigating life in New York City.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Last Resort Or Long Time To Realize

My mom and I were in the car last weekend when I was home and had an interesting conversation. We were talking about a friend of mine who I have been hanging out with off and on for the last year and a half. For the sake of this post, we will call him LT, as in long-term potential. He has a really wonderful personality and just about everything else I look for in a guy.

Even when I was in my last relationship which I knew off the bat was going to short-term, I still occasionally thought about LT. In fact, after my breakup, LT was one of the only people who could get my mind off what was making me so unhappy. About two months ago we had a serious chat about our "arrangement." He was honest and upfront that he isn't looking for anything serious right now (but also made it clear that he wasn't hanging out with anyone else either). It felt good to get some things out in the open, but I was still left with some pretty strong feelings for someone who isn't interested in a relationship.

I resigned myself to the fact that it would be impossible to deny myself the wonderful, yet infrequent opportunities to hang out with LT but with that said I wouldn't put my life on hold or risk not meeting other new people. I know he could turn around tomorrow, meet someone and change his mind about not wanting a serious relationship. Hell, if I am lucky, the same thing could happen to me. And since I am in a transition period of trying to figure out what I even want, the arrangement continued.

LT is the type of guy I could really see myself being involved with for a long time. He's definitely a guy I would be lucky to date seriously down the line. So there is this little part of me that is holding out hope that you truly never know what the future holds.

But with the hope, comes the doubts. Recently I started thinking about how even if you might not want something serious, if you really did like a person, you would make yourself be ready for a relationship or enter into the relationship and hope you got ready quickly. How could anyone risk losing someone who might be right for them?

The conversation with my mom had to do with me declaring my fear of being someone's last resort. Pretty much saying that if LT was interested (or would ever be interested) he would have acted already and that if something happened down the line to launch us into something serious, how would I know if I was just a last resort because nothing else 'better' came along.

My mom, smart lady she is, turned it around and said maybe it just takes some people longer to realize what they want or the feelings they have. It's a good point...but leaves me back to being even more confused. How do you know if you are a last resort, or if it just takes someone a long time to realize they want to be with you?


Post a Comment

<< Home